Picking Up the Pieces
by writergirl0919
Summary: Post Mockingjay/pre epilogue. How will Katniss and Peeta pick up the pieces and start their lives again? Will Katniss ever forgive Gale?
1. Chapter 1

Days turn into weeks of sulking around the house. As the nights become longer and the days become colder, I stay boarded up in my house trying to keep warm. I don't even try to hunt anymore because when I'm outside it's all I can do to walk past his house to enter the woods.

Sae comes one a week or so to make sure I'm still eating and taking my meds. I've learned that it's just best to flush the daily dosage down the toilet than to have her force them down my throat. Her stew is good, but nothing compares to the buns that Sae gets from him.

The nights are the worst. I always wake up with my voice hoarse, covered in sweat, my legs tangled in the sheets. Sometimes I wake to see a light in his house. Could he hear my screams? I push that thought out of my head. There is no way he loves me anymore after all I've done. I'm the reason why his family is gone. The reason why my family is gone.

One night, the nightmares are particularly bad. I was dreaming about chasing the blistering poison from the Quell. Every step I took, another person died. Peeta. Prim. Gale. Mom. But I couldn't stop running.

"Help me get her near the fire. I don't know how long she's been out there, but longer that she should have been." A deep voice says. Gale.

"Thank you for finding her. If she was out any longer than she already was, she could be dead." A soothing voice says. Peeta.

My eyes flutter open and take in my surroundings. Questions food my head as I try to grasp what's going on around me. How did I get here? What are they talking about? Why can't I move?

"Hey Catnip." Gale whispers. "Try not to move, we're thawing you out. You decided to sleep out in the snow last night."

"W-what happened? How did you find me?" I croak."

"Gale found you this morning lying covered in snow in my lawn. Do you remember trying to come over last night?" Peeta says, brushing though my wet hair with his fingers. "Thank God he did because you were pretty well hidden in that snow. Who know how long it would have been before someone else noticed you."

"Yeah Catnip. You just had to sleep walk when it was snowing. Great idea." Gale says with a twinkle in his eye as he starting taking off my pajamas.

"What do you think you're doing!" I yell. I would slap him if it weren't for the fact that I couldn't feel my hands or feet.

"The best way to get rid of hypothermia is to strip you of your wet clothes and apply warm blankets to your core. The miners get it pretty bad in the winters so if you want to move again, you're going to have to get over yourself." Gale says as he slowly took of my shirt.

Of course, the first time I'm naked in front of a man is in front of the two men I love the most.

"Couldn't you get someone else to do this?" I shiver as I stated to gain feeling in my body.

The boys ignored me as Peeta and Gale wrapped me in warm blankets. "Katniss I wish I could stay, but I'm already late for my shift at the mines." Gale says as he hung my clothes by the fire to dry. "I'll swing by on my way home to make sure you're alright."

"Be safe. It's cold out there." I chuckle.

When Gale left, silence surrounds Peeta and me. We haven't talked since I killed Coin. There is so much I want to say, yet I don't want to hear his replies.

"Why did you go outside last night Katniss?" Peeta says as he cradles me in his lap. I can hear how worried he is.

"I have no idea. I had a dream last night. I was running away from the poison from the Quarter Quell but every time I took a step, one person I loved would die. It was awful." I say as tears stream down my face.

"Oh Katniss." Peeta soothes. "I get them too. But they're about you. Everyone else I love is dead. Once I look through my window and see you in your room I'm alright."

"Is that why your light is sometimes on in the night? Can you hear my screams?"

"All the time. It hurts me so much to hear them, but I know you want to keep your space so I don't come over." Peeta says, stroking my hair. "I'm going to change your blankets now if that's okay"

As Peeta wraps me in new blankets, I try my best to cover myself up. I know he has probably seen it all before, but I can't bare to let him see me so weak and scrawny.

"Katniss, there's no need to do that. You're beautiful. There's no need to hide it." Peeta says as he picks me up and sits back down with me on his lap.

I blush and wrap the blankets tight around myself. "I hardly think you're telling the truth." I say, a huge yawn escapes my mouth.

"I should let you get some sleep." Peeta says, as he stands up and carried me upstairs to his bedroom. He sets me down and tucks me in and gives me a soft kiss on the lips. "Sweet dreams Katniss"

"Wait. Can you stay?" I say, sleep threatening to take over me. "Helps with the nightmares."

"Always" Peeta says as he gets in and wraps his arms around me.


	2. Chapter 2

Hi guys! Thanks so much for reading this. Reviews are much appreciated :)

The next morning I woke with a runny nose, a throbbing head, and arms wrapped around me. Peeta. I still don't know what our relationship is. Not having him around during the war and then getting to see hijacked Peeta, I have learned how much I loved and missed the old Peeta. Since I haven't talked to him for months, I forgot how much I missed the fire on my lips when he kissed me. Gale is a whole different story. No, I have not forgiven him for what he has done, but I don't know how long I can last without my best friend.

Peeta slowly wakes up and when he realizes that he has his arms wrapped around me, he immediately pulls them back. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to do that." He says, climbing out of bed.

"It's okay. It makes me feel safe." I say, sitting up. "I think that was the first time I've slept through the night in a long time."

"Me too." Peeta confesses. "You were out all day yesterday. Gale stopped by and brought some meat. Have you two made up yet?"

"I don't think we even have." I say, looking down at my hands. "I haven't talked to anyone except Sae since I've returned."

"You know he really loves you. If you want to leave to be with him I understand. Or just leave. The Capital changed me. I'm not the same person as I was before the games. I still get flashbacks. I'm broken. Nobody wants a broken person." Peeta says, sitting down on the edge of the bed with his head in his hands.

"I don't know Peeta. We need each other. You are the only one who keeps my dreams away. That's something Gale will never be able to do. He doesn't know what it was like in the arenas. I just don't know if I'm ready for a relationship. I've lost so many that I love and I don't want to risk that anymore." I say.

"We can take it slow. One day at a time and see what comes of it." Peeta says, getting up from the bed. "Want breakfast? I bet you're starving."

"I'm starving!" I say, following him down the hall. I pass a room that looks like a painting studio. "Do you think you could show me your paintings after?"

"I can show you it, but it may be something you want to go through on your own. I paint the nightmares, you see." He says as we make our way into the kitchen.

As I watch Peeta make a batch of pancakes I ask, "How are your memories? We played real or not real a lot during the war, but I'm sure there are some that you didn't want to bring up in front of the others."

"Some days it's hard to tell which memories are good and which ones have been tampered with, but those days seem to be less and less frequent. Would you like to play it now?" Peeta answers.

"Sure." I say, setting the table for breakfast.

"We're you pregnant?" Peeta says, setting the platter of pancakes down at the table.

"No. We've never "done it" but you said before the quell that I was to see if they would stop the games. You figured that nobody in their right mind would let a pregnant woman fight in the games, but the gamemakers and Snow didn't care." I say, filling my plate with pancakes.

"Did we get married? Do you want kids?" Peeta asks.

I sigh. "We never got married because the wedding was scheduled to be during the games and that clearly wouldn't have worked. You didn't want to get married because I didn't love you. At least, not in the right kind of love."

"What about kids?"

"That's not a real or not real question!" I say. "If I lived in a better world, I would have kids burns don't know if I can bring myself to let a child, my child, live in this cruel world."

"Why? The games are over. Snow is dead." Peeta says.

"I can't. I won't. No child should ever go through what we went through. What would we tell them? They'll learn about the games at school and they'll learn that we were in them. I can't let them know about my past." I say, raising my voice.

"Your past is what makes you perfect. You have scars that make you beautiful. Having a child will celebrate all that you've accomplished." Peeta says, reaching for my hand across the table.

"I-I can't." My voice cracks, tears streaming down my face. "I don't know if I would be able to survive with someone living inside me that I won't be able to protect. Someone who would be like Prim. I can't loose Prim again."

With that, I get up from the table and runout despite Peeta's protests behind me. I am too fast for him with his prosthetic leg. I run to the only place where I feel safe: the forest.

Thanks so much for your support! Please review it would mean the world to me :)


	3. Chapter 3

I run to the only place where I feel safe: the woods. I crawl under the fence and go to the tree where I keep my bow and arrows. Since the ground is covered in snow, there's no point in trying to be sneaky. I climb my way up a tree and find a relatively snow-free area.

I know Peeta didn't mean any harm asking about children, but I don't know if I'll ever be able to give him what he wants. As I contemplate my future children, I hear footsteps behind me. Immediately, I get an arrow ready, a bad habit I've formed from years of games and war.

"Easy there Katniss. Didn't know you'd be out here today. Glad to see that you're feeling better and moving around." Gale says.

"What are you doing here?" I say harshly, lowering my bow.

"Well I still need to feed myself, even if my family now lives in District 4." Gale says as he hoists himself up the tree. "We need to talk."

"You killed my sister." I say as he sits next to me.

"Katniss, I-"

"You knew what you were doing with those bombs. You knew they were going to kill hundreds of innocent people. You could have stopped them. You could have kept her alive." I say, gripping the tree so hard my hands start to bleed. "You killed the most innocent person I knew and loved. The only person I think I will ever love unconditionally"

"Katniss, I also killed Rory. You weren't the only one who lost someone that day. I lost my brother, my best friend, and her little sister." Gale says.

"Rory? Is that why your family never came back here? I almost didn't, but then Dr. Aurelius

said I had no choice. The best way to get rid of the nightmares is to live in them I guess. You know, I lost a best friend too in the war. I lost a lot of friends." I say, scooting closer to Gale.

Gale wraps his arm around me. "Why did you come out here? You probably haven't recovered yet and the cold isn't good for your lungs."

"Peeta and I had a fight. He wants to have children and I don't know if I'll ever be able to bear any. I can't risk having a child that could go through what I went through." I confess, resting my head on his shoulder.

"You and lover boy? I thought you two would be all lovey-dovey now that the war is over." Gale says harshly.

"Just because the Games are over doesn't mean we haven't changed. Peeta and I are completely different people than we were before the Quell. Not only was Peeta hijacked, he also lost his family and I did too. I lost everyone, even you. I miss you." I say, leaning my head against his shoulder.

"But can never be with me. I hurt you too much." Gale says, with hurt in his voice.

"Peeta will always have something that you can never have. He was in the games. ave the same nightmares and daydreams. Every day we go through the games in our heads, over and over. I don't think they ever leave you. Haymitch tries to drown them while others try to numb them. Peeta and I try to live them in hopes that over time they will fade with age." I confess.

"I know Katniss. I have always known, I just hoped that it wasn't true. Thankfully you're not the only one who's caught my eye. I stop by Madge's house to drop off food since both her parents are gone every day and she makes me happy. I haven't been this happy since before thirteen. Not only you changed in the war Katniss." Gale says, looking me in the eyes. "Can we be friends again? I really need you. We can hunt together once spring comes."

"I think that can be arranged." I smile. We climb down the tree and head back to the square after checking the traps for squirrels. We catch up on what has happened these past couple months. As we head into the Victor's Village, Gale asks,

"Will you please talk to Peeta? I don't think I could forgive myself if I let you go and you didn't end up with Peeta." Gale says, stopping at my house

"Where do you think I'm going?" I say as we part.

When Gale leaves, I walk into Peeta's house. The lights are off and his shoes are gone, so he must be at the bakery. Not wanting to interrupt his work, I decide to make my way to Haymitch's house.

Haymitch's house was completely different than pre-war Haymitch's house. No longer was there a stench of stale urine and alcohol in the air, the dishes were done, and nothing seemed out of place. Wow, someone finally decided to clean up his life and hired a maid I think as I make my way through his house. "Haymitch!" I yell when I can't find him on the first floor. "What have you done with your drunken self?!"

"Oh Katniss, didn't see you there. Welcome." A voice chirped behind me.

That could mean only one thing: Effie's back.

"Oh Effie! Didn't know you were here! How long have you been here?" I say, trying my best to be cheerful.

"Why Katniss, I've been here quite some time now. I know you haven't been feeling the greatest these past few months so I decided that instead of trying to make you better, I would whip Haymitch back into shape." Effie says as she comes over to give me a hug.

"Well, I can tell he's made you change too. Where did all of your extravagant outfits go" I say, taking in her grey clothing.

"Some things are better to have in the Capital. Do you know how much it would cost to ship all my clothes from there? Without any games, I could no longer afford it." She pouts as Haymitch comes down the stairs.

"I see you've met the newest addition to district. Trust me, I wasn't happy ether when she first came, but now things have changed." Haymitch says. "If you couldn't tell, I've been sober for over a month now. How's your life with lover boy going?"

"Well, things have been hard lately. I haven't talked to anyone except Sae for months except for yesterday. I had a nightmare and ended up in the snow where Gale and Peeta found me. Now I have been spending my day making amends with everyone. Turns out I have hurt a lot of people during the war." I say. "I should better get going. I just wanted to stop by to see how Haymitch is doing. Nice to see that you're here Effie!"

I leave them in their house, hoping that they can't tell that I avoided the question about my love life because right now it is pretty lonesome. I head back to Peeta's house because it's the only place I feel safe in. My house has too many memories of Prim and of the nightmares that I never want to return to.

When I get inside, I smell burning bread.

"Peeta!" I yell, "Your bread is burned!" I run up the stairs and into the bedroom where I find Peeta gripping the baseboard of the bed, looking white as a sheet.

"You killed my family. You caused this war. You are a killer Katniss." Peeta yells as he leaps towards me.

Before I can reply or back away, his hands are wrapped around my neck.

 **Woot Woot! Two updates in a day! I hope you guys are liking this story so far. If so, please leave a review! It means the world to me:) Love ya!**

 **Grace**


	4. Chapter 4

"Your name is Peeta Mellark. You're from district twelve. You love to bake. You love to paint. Your favorite color is orange. You always double knot your shoelaces. You were in the Hunger Games. Twice. You got hijacked. You're home. You're safe." I gasp, clasping my hands around his, trying to loosen his strangle. Realizing that wasn't working, I decide to hug him and cradle him like a child. As I do so, his grip loosens and he starts shaking.

"My name is Katniss Everdeen. My home is district twelve. I lost my sister. I lost my mother. I have my friends. I have Haymitch. I have you. My favorite color is green. I like to hunt. You tried to strangle me, but it's okay. It's okay. It's okay." I whisper, rocking back and fourth with Peeta wrapped in my arms.

"Katniss," Peeta says hoarsely, brushing the red marks around my neck "I hurt you. I did this to you."

"No Peeta, the Capital did this to me. You never would have done this if it weren't for Snow. Never blame yourself for the hijackings because they were never your fault." I say as Peeta backs away so see what else he did to me. "Peeta, I'm alright. I can get along with a couple bumps and bruises if that means I can spend my days with you. I can't live without you."

"And I decided today while baking that I can live without children if that means I get to be with you for the rest of my life. Speaking of which, I think my bread is burnt… Sorry that was going to be a surprise for you because I made your favorite cheese buns." Peeta says, running down the stairs to go take them out of the oven before the house burns down.

"Well," I say, following him into the kitchen. "Maybe you could teach me how to make them? Then I can make them whenever I want them!"

"Get your sleeves rolled up because you're going to love this." Peeta says with a twinkle in his eye. I haven't seen him this excited since he helped teach Prim how to pipe frosting between the games last year.

"You seem to have a lot of faith in me" I say when Peeta asks for me to get out the measuring cups and spoons. "I don't even know what have the things in this kitchen are."

"That doesn't mean you can't learn!" Peeta insists as he gets out all the ingredients from various places around the kitchen.

"What do we do first?" I say, setting the bowl on the counter.

"First, we mix all of the ingredients together, and then we knead the dough. That's how I get my muscles." Peeta says, as he playfully pushes me.

"Hey! I didn't deserve that!" I say, playfully pushing him back.

We mix all the ingredients together while simultaneously making it snow in the kitchen due to a flour explosion once we turned on the beaters. Once the dough is formed, Peeta teaches me how to knead by putting his hands over mine. He teaches me how to manipulate the dough into perfect round rolls and then we set them out to rise. As I turn away from the counter after laying a cloth over the dough to rise, Peeta grasps my hands and pulls me in for a hug.

"Thank you. I know it must be hard with my flashback earlier, but this really helped my mind heal from it." Peeta sighs into my ear. "It has been hard not being able to distract my mind from the flashbacks without you here. You're a good distraction."

"How about this?" I say, as I turn and kiss him. "Is this a good distraction?" I whisper in between kisses.

"The best." He answers, as he kisses my cheeks, my nose, my lips.

"Peeta," I gasp. "I don't want to go too far because I don't know what would happen. I don't know if I can trust myself."

"I understand, but that doesn't mean I can't kiss you." Peeta says, lifting me up and setting me down on the couch. "Enough of that for now, now I hear you have a something to tell me."

"What about?" I question, wondering what he could be thinking I know about. Peeta gets up from the couch and kneels by the fireplace.

"I heard you saw Haymitch and Effie today. How did that go? You know they're engaged." Peeta says as he makes a fire.

"No way! Effie? With a dirty old drunken Haymitch?" I say, getting the blankets. I don't know why Peeta was making a fire since we have the heating on, a luxury in district 12.

"I guess opposites really do attract." Peeta says. When the fire has started, he sits back down next to me on the couch.

The room starts to smell like the forest and it makes me miss the old days when Dad would do the same thing on a cold winter night like tonight. "You know what this reminds me of?" I ask, "My father would do the exact same thing on nights like this. You remind me a lot of him."

"The fire reminds me of the toasts that couples do when they get married." Peeta says, wrapping his fingers around mine. "Do you want to get married?

A/N. I'm sorry I didn't update yesterday! I didn't have my computer so it took me longer to write since I did it on my phone. Thanks so much for reading! If you have any suggestions please tell me :)

Grace


	5. Chapter 5

"What?" I burst out. "I'm not even 20 years old! You want to get married?"

"Well not now of course. But I can't see myself with anyone else. I love you Katniss. I know you just want a friend but we can still be friends and lovers. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. If that means we get married in five years or twenty I can wait. I just want to be yours." Peeta confides.

"Yes Peeta. I will marry you; however, be prepared to get married when we're old and wrinkly because I don't know if I'll be able to handle married life if children are the next step." I confess as Peeta lifts me into his arms and spins about the room.

"Oh Katniss you don't know how happy this makes me. I promise you, over the next couple of months you'll realise how much you want to marry me!" Peeta beams.

Over the winter months and the spring, Peeta does exactly that. Every day I find myself falling in love with him all over again. He teaches me how to bake and I teach him how to hunt when the days get warmer. Neither of us become masters of the other's trade, but it is nice to be with each other. Gale met a girl named Mariposa, or Mari for short. She seems to be just like Madge. Loyal and caring, yet witty at times. She is perfect for him. The Hawthrone family comes to visit, mainly to meet Mari, but Posy says that she came to see me. She clicks with Peeta instantly and Peeta loves to frost cookies with her like he did with Prim.

Every day Peeta asks me the same question. "Will you marry me?" And every day I respond with "Maybe tomorrow." At first, it doesn't bother him. He is determined to make me happy and feel loved, but over time I see the hurt in his eyes. Especially after the Hawthrones left, I could see how much he wants children. I am just scared out of my mind to carry a child.

We attend Haymitch and Effie's wedding. Half the guests are celebrities from the Capital, and others are our old friends. Johanna and Annie come with Byron, Annie's boy who looks like a splitting image of his father.

One day, Peeta comes in the house after a long day at the bakery. We have our routine. Usually when he comes home we cook dinner together. Today, I am upstairs reading a letter from Annie when I hear Peeta yell,

"Katniss! Katniss where are you?"

"I'm upstairs!" I reply. _This is where I always am when he comes home. He should know this by now_ I think as I put the letter back in the envelope.

"Can you come down stairs please? I have something I want to talk to you about." Peeta responds.

"What would you like to–" I answer, running down the stairs before I reply, I see paintings set up in the living room.

"All of these are inspired by you. They may be of you, memories I share with you, or what you remind me of." Peeta says quietly.

As I walk around to all the paintings, I see the games. I see the train rides, the districts, the capital. How could he think this all relates to me? When I get up close, I see what he means. He paints me in the details. The forest tones in the paints and the colors of my olive skin and brown hair find themselves in pretty much every painting. They're of the beach and the sunset on the training center rooftops. He froze the little moments in time forever just for me. He painted Rue and her flowers, Prim and her soft, beautiful golden hair. He paints the lake, the only person who's seen it besides my dad and I.

"Peeta," I whisper as tears stream down my cheeks. "I-I don't know what to say…"

"Say you'll marry me." Peeta says and I spin around. "I am tired of waiting for you to love me back so I took all my love and turned it into paintings. Into this ring." Peeta takes out a box from his pocket. "I made it myself. The gold band is from my father's ring that they salvaged from the ruins, the pearl from the beach, and the diamonds came from Cinna. He knew this day was going to come, and he was prepared."

I open the box in his hands and gasp. This is not some glitzy ring like those in the Capital wear, but something that is more perfect than anything I've ever seen before.

"Oh Peeta, yes I will marry you. Of course I will marry you." I beam. He slides the ring onto my finger and kisses it. He kisses my lips softly at first but I intensify it. I didn't know it, but I have missed this fire building up within me. Peeta moans as I pull away from the kiss. He rests his forehead against mine and looks into my eyes. "We need to wait. That's one thing you'll have to wait for until after the wedding."

"I'm tired of waiting!" Peeta whines as he falls on the couch. "I've waited my entire life for you and now you're telling me to wait some more?"

"If you want me that badly, you can wait a couple more weeks." I smile as I curl up next to him.

 **A/N thank you guys so much for the kind reviews! Here is a link to the ring that I envisioned Peeta making for Katniss:** **pin/403001866629245298/**

 **P.S. How do you guys feel about smut? If you want it, I can write it but if not, I won't.**


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